photo by loveblushfever (c)
“The lines between choice and mandate are thin because the lines between self and culture are thin, the internal and the external tightly entwined and difficult to separate.” Knapp, Caroline. Appetites. Counterpoint, New York. 2003. P. 112.
To choose well or not is to enter into a mathematical discussion with oneself and even small decisions require some consideration, although the equation might take up fewer pages and perhaps there is no internal recognition of the conversation taking place. Simple things like deciding on coffee or tea after dinner involves a fairly clear-cut set of values; do you want caffeine coursing through your body into the small hours of the morning so that sleep evades you? Perhaps you have a long evening ahead bent over some paperwork, or just a desire to enjoy the fullness of night. Larger choices, particularly those concerning money, fall under this same rule of mathematics, of weighing and balancing, pros and cons.
The process of decision-making falters however, when we allow our emotions entrance to the forum. Suddenly logic fails us. There is nothing mathematical about the heart, after all, but it’s anatomical structure. It is fickle, unpredictable, steered by feelings and instincts that we hardly understand.
To be ‘free to chose’ can be terrifying because it requires us to know and to be certain of what the hell we want. In some instances this is simple and obvious; a new pair of shoes, a magazine, water, a nap….. Other choices are much more demanding of our time and tend to linger just beneath the surface of our day-to-day consciousness. Specifically the art of choosing to share oneself, not the physical structure mind you, but the very core, the pieces that exist beyond our meager tangible constructions. To be human and to be genuine and authentic, we are required to participate in this sharing, this giving and sometimes taking (although we cannot enter into a transaction with the expectation of receiving anything in return-that would be both presumptive and selfish). We must share with intention and purpose. So send out invitations on bits of napkin or fine linen stationary, maybe a group email, by any means really because regardless of how, it is necessary.
A person cannot flourish encapsulated by only their own self as witness. We should strive to make ourselves painfully uncomfortable every so often, to choose to want to be off-balance, just barely treading water.
-loveblushfever
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